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This page contains information of the following SOLDIER member.

This is an official document generated under the provision of the Personnel Identity Act, Chapter 169 of the 3120 Edition and the Institutional Secrets Act, Chapter 699 of the 3120 Edition. All unauthorised use, retention, destruction, alteration or transfer of information are penal offences.

Name : Tan SiKai
Rank : SOLDIER 2nd Class
Birthdate : 10 April 1989
Birthplace: Singapore
Ethnicity : Chinese
Religion : Christianity

Gender : Male
Height : 167
Weight : 56

Values:
-Commitment
-Trust
-Truth
-Reason

Personality:
ISFJ (Jung Typology Test) - I-22%, S-1%, F-25%, J-33%
Explanation:

* slightly expressed introvert
* slightly expressed sensing personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* moderately expressed judging personality

Traits:

* Large, rich inner store of information which they gather about people
* Memory for details which are important to them
* In-tune with surroundings - sense of space and function
* Can be depended on to follow things through to completion
* Will work long and hard to see that jobs get done
* Stable, practical, down-to-earth - Dislike working with theory and abstract thought unnecessarily
* Dislike doing things which don't make sense to them
* Value security, tradition, and peaceful living
* Service-oriented: focused on what people need and want
* Kind and considerate
* Likely to put others' needs above their own
* Learn best with hands-on training
* Enjoy creating structure and order
* Take their responsibilities seriously
* Extremely uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation
Career-defining traits:
1) extremely interested and in-tune with how other people are feeling
2) enjoy creating structure and order, and are extremely good at it.
Ideally, the ISFJ will choose a career in which they can use their exceptional people-observation skills to determine what people want or need, and then use their excellent organizational abilities to create a structured plan or environment for achieving what people want.

Relationships:
+Committed
+Difficulty in leaving a relationship which is bad, or accepting that it's over
+Selfless
+Intimacy as a tangible way of strengthening their relationship bonds
+Warm
+Difficulty with conflict situations
+Dependable and affectionate lovers
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISFJ's natural partner is the ESTP, or the ESFP. ISFJ's dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Sensing.

More at: ISFJ Profile or Protrait of an ISFJ

Today I must praise Xiu Yi for highlighting a fact on the use of the phrase, "with regard(s) to" yesterday.

How many times do we pause on this phrase, not knowing whether to put an "s".

Fear not, the answer is simple.

The steps to take:
1) Replace the word "regard(s)" with "reference(s)".
2) Consider if you would use "reference" with an "s".
3) If an "s" is used, do the same to the word "regard".

The underlying implication is that the question whether you are referring to a thing, a group of things, or many things. (The last catergory is the one which "s" should be used.)

Thanks to Xiu Yi for her contributions. =]





Let say I have an apple. I decided to give it as a gift to Tom. Then I asked Tom to give me a pear in return. Can that gift still be considered as a gift?

I think not.

Its trade.

p.s. I welcome all comments on this topic. Please post it as a comment. Thks.
p.p.s. This post is not directed at anyone in particular. Just my random thought.





Hmmm how to describle this morning? Bored, yet not entirely; fun, yet not so too.

I woke up at 8 as I have to be in school by 9 to make a cradle for the Science Day next week. Normally I would wake up 1h earlier so that I can eat and exercise, but lack the discipline this holiday. So with an empty stomach I went to school, with bread in my bag.

On bus 187 just after it left the expressway, I saw Sock Hong, one of those doing the cradle with me. She did not board the bus of course, as this bus does not lead directly to the school. As I passed her, I thought back to the time when she was tending to my wound when I slipped and fell on the floor at East Coast, the time when I lost control of my roller blades. She has this cute laughter, and is bubbly. But then its a long time since we last chatted, and I was feeling a little uneasy that I have to talk to her later.

While on the bus I perceived the probalility of meeting her before reaching school, and found that its quite high. As long as I get down the bus and take 190, I'll surely meet her. Well I did meet her, but at least its not as awkward as I thought.

Anyway we arrived to school on time at 9, and we waited for the rest. Before long I brief them, Xiu Xiu Sock Hong and Sin Yee, on my idea and off we go buying materials for the cradle, 1 big and 2 small.

So we went to the shops near the school to search for some rattan basket. But it proved quite difficult. Once we nearly settled for a bath tub to serve as the big cradle, which we eventually did but we bought it at Ten Mile Junction. Luckily we found a florist shop which sells rattan baskets. However it does not have all that we need.

Next we went to Bukit Panjang Plaza to search for some big container to serve as a cradle (for the big cradle). Along the way we found out that Sock Hong's b'dae was last friday 18 May, so we wished her a happy belated b'dae, and I decided to treat all of them a cup of bubble tea. Their thanks were enough to appease me. I guess being a giver is really a blessing. Anyway we did not find what we want.

We went to Woodlands Center to search for cloth after going to Ten Mile Junction. Perhaps its because of my personality, I cannot understand why the girls just want to carry the "cradle". Even the rattan baskets must be out of my hand. We kept the rattan baskets in school though. We walked through the Center with me as guide, though at times I don't even know where I was heading; I just know I won't get lost (heex..). We found the shop and bought what we need.

(At this point I must clarify something: Dorcas and me are not together. We are just best friends. I still can't see how did this idea came about from my blog, with me trying to clarify things. I can't even see how the idea that I like her came from my blog. I tried my best to present each entry with me liking "her" and Dorcas as separate issues. Zz..)

At this time it was lunchtime. We went to the nearest hawker center at first, but seeing that Xiu Xiu were not hungry, I decided that we take a walk to my house, and so we walked to the coffee shop under by block. Moreover the most obvious way back to school is from my house.

While Sock Hong, Sin Yee and me were having our Fried Hokkien Mee, Xiu Yi asked if we can leave the setting up of the cradle till Monday. Of course we agreed, as all of us are tired anyway. I must really thank them for sending me home. All of them girls somemore. Hahax so blessed. Lolx..

Thats my morning story. Have a nice time reading.

24 may 07 @ 3.56pm





Hmmm took quite a number of personality test today. Some of them..

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win
http://www.ullazang.com/personality.html

The first one revealed that my personality is 22% introverted, 50% intuitive, 12% feeling and 22% perceiving. Taking a look at the type in http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html, I found it describing me very accurately. I have continually seek meaning in my own life, trying to define it as best as I could, laying down principles and values I adhere to. How often did I not reveal what was I feeling inside? Even the description of my ideal partner is very much in agreement with my idea of it.

I think its time to accept myself for who I am. Who says INFP cannot be the next revolutionary scientist? I trust that God will guide my path to be who He wants me to be, a person that is righteous in His eyes, and yet for me it will be a path I'll never regret.

Then I took the 2nd test. A very simple test, yet still to the point. A down-to-earth person who strive for balance and harmony. Those who doesn't know me well will think that I have a very bubbly personality, leading a carefree life, but in truth I would consider myself conservative. I can hardly understand and appreciate punk lifestyle. How hip can "hip" be? Or why is hip "hip"? Does dressing loosely nice? I prefer elegance.

24may 07 @ 0000h





I just watched an online video sermon on "The Power of Brokenness" and felt the Spirit of God move through me (www.chc.org.sg/english/main.cfm). I always thought that we can only feel God's presence in the church, in a congregation of believers, but this was the first time I truly believe that God is always present with us, that even though online video sermons, we can still experience God if our hearts are open to Him.

It's now raining outside. Coincidence, or God's raining on this barren land? I choose to believe the latter, that God is pouring forth Living Water into the Earth and bring Salvation to it. Oh let there be a mighty move of God on this land! Let every sick be healed, let every demon-possessed be demon-freed, let every wounded and mourning be comforted. Let every knee bow before You oh God.

How many a times had we sin? Sin is not just a harmful act we commit, but also beneficial acts we failed to do. Look into yourself; do you have any hidden prejudies against anyone, any evil thoughts, any criticism? Such attitudes are the source of harmful acts. Whenever we cannot contain those hidden prejudies we lash back, whenever we got tired of running away from temptations we fall into it. Why do you keep such attitudes in the first place?

Look around you; the sick are hoping for cure, the poor are hoping for breakthrough, and what are you doing to help them? Even if you do help them, is it of the right motivation? Is it out obligation, or out of love? Volunteerism aside, look into your own life; how many people who offended us do we fail to have mercy on, how many conflicts and fights had we seen and did nothing about it?

Oh how sinful can we ever be? How can we ever present ourselves before God and before man as truly righteous, as a true believer?

No God does not need any sacrifice from you. He just want you to change your attitude, from those of the flesh, like being critical, demeaning, lustrous, desire, to those Kingdom-minded, like being merciful, forgiving and forgetting all past transgression, a peacemaker, a person with a pure heart broken to God. Can we ever change our mind to be like Jesus?

Oh God I know with me myself, I cannot do all these things. Whenever I am with myself, I care only for myself, my desires, my needs, my wants. I can never be like Jesus, never for a lifetime. I can only shower love for those I love, and hate for those I hate. If a person ask me to do something, I'll try to bargain with him or with her, not like Jesus who will go the extra mile and help out to the best of my ability, and more.

Father, with You all shall be possible. You will show me the Way, the Truth, the Life. Father you are always true to Your word. You said that You are closer than our very breathe, and there You are beside me watching the sermon with me, breaking my spirit ever more with Your grace. You are so beautiful, so full of tender mercy, so full of righteousness, who can compare to You? Father let me leave all worldly pursuits, and let me cleave unto You and serve your righteousness, for You said: He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord-how he may please the Lord. Let Your Word be done on Earth, as it is in heaven. Amen.

Thank You Lord for Your presence this morning. I pray for more of You, and less of me. You shall increase, while I decrease. Jesus, I make You the Lord of my life. Guide me through every aspect of my life. I submit all I am to You. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

23 May 07 @1.03pm

P.S. I decided to forgo even the "one commitment" policy for the Lord my God. Let all things be done as my Lord wills it to be. Amen.





After I ended my fast yesterday, I thought it was over..

But no, the journey has just began.

In the morning I was tempted to keep eating and eating. Even when I know my stomach cannot take it, I still feel hungry. Omg I feel worst than before. I managed to got through it by doing my push-ups and sit-ups. Can't believe I have to scarifice even after my fast. Must stay strong! Rrr..!

As I woke up early, it was still some time before the library opens. So I had this thought that since it was some time after my last maple session, it was time to check how my character was doing. My mage is at level 45, a little surprised as I thought it was 44. Played for awhile before the game was disconnected. Now I played my bandit-sin, which was at level 20. Trained it till 80%, but the time showed 8.45am. Sian, I want to level! Haix had to do homework. This computer is too much a distraction.

Not sure why today kept thinking of her. It must be because I saw too many couples. Hai so tempted to propose to her. Sian must control! Just one day after my sacrifice I was tempted in so many areas. I even had to discipline myself from committing the sin of the body through thoughts alone.

I was suppose to meet Dorcas in the afternoon at the library, but she was late by 1h 30min! Wa was really irritated. I had a difficult time controlling even after she arrived. Hardly talk, but luckily there was a stranger in front and so she doesn't feel like talking too. But I was intrigued at how she managed to release my emotions without consciously doing so. Wow..

Hmmm to sum up, Fasting is not only about the fasting itself but also what comes out from it. Fasting is just a moment with God, but the actual journey starts after the fasting, about how you transform that moment into either a movement or a monument. Thank God for this encounter, and I pray that I would be able to make a movement out of that moment with God. Amen.

21may 07 @ 10.36pm





Yup just to update what happen from friday till today. As most won't know, I fasted for 2 days. Huahaha. My first man!

It all started on friday evening in a combined cell group meeting with pastor Aries. He gave a talk on having moments with the Lord, and it becoming either a monument or a movement. Having moments with the Lord simply means having an encounter with the Lord, through miracles, visions, sacrifice, praying, etc. However there are 2 ways this encounter will turn out. We can either receive that encounter and put it on our head, leaving it as a good memory a.k.a. a monument, or stand up and do good works for the Lord a.k.a. a movement. So on friday I decided to take a step of faith and sacrifice for Him through fasting, hoping to have an encounter with Him.

So on Saturday morning, I decided to fast, and pray to God for strength to pull me through. Never did I thought it would be this difficult. After I prayed, as I passed through the fridge, immediately I approached it (I haven't had my breakfast yet). Luckily I stopped just in time, if not it would be wasted. Seeing the potential that I would break my promise to God, I got out of home quickly for TKD.

Great was the temptation to slack for the whole day. I skipped my planned run, and I kept wanting to give up after every kicks and exercise. Moreover with stomach growling, its a great feat that I managed to complete the whole fasting. I drank water as food, and also used it to dilute my stomach acid. Luckily Xiu Yi not around, if not I would have to break my fast (I promised her the day before that I would eat with them and not fast, but since she was not there, the word "them" is distorted and I can fast! Whuahaha!)

Anyway the first day went by with only ber and her friend knew I was fasting. Kel got close to me giving the truth went I skipped my dinner with them, but still he missed it. Heex. The first day of fasting, other than temptations and more temptations (I broke my fast by eating M&M from Desong, but it was out of habit. After that I was very conscious of myself), was okay.

But the next day, today, was really a milestone for me. I woke up feeling very tired, and throughout the day I was really exhausted. While serving in JAMs Church, I was praying and praying and praying for God's strength, reminding myself that what I was doing, shifting the chairs etc was all for His Kingdom. I was constantly blessing the water that I was drinking, that it alone would rejuvenate me. I kept telling myself of the verse, "It is written, 'man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' ". God is really with me. Even with my strength draining schedule, like JAMs Church and Prayer Meeting, I still survived! I ended my fast with a raisin bread and panda biscult. Waa taste like heaven. Haha that taste was a fake. It tasted less sweet, but still the thinking that I can eat again makes my heart light. Wa must give thanks to Jasmine and Ah Ma too for they accompanied me though my last moments (I was in causeway tempting myself yet refusing to succumb to the temptations).

Anyway, thank God for the strength and the moment I experienced. Hope that it would turn into a movement and not just a monument. Hallelujah.

Btw I fasted for 34h. Whuahaha! Next time must be better and better. X]

20may 07 @ 9.48pm





Mere words cannot describle just how sad I can be. Today I had my SPA Skill A Exam, and I spent only a total of 1h on it for the last 3days, and its on the day itself. The beginning of the exam was a peaceful experience. We started at 2.06pm, and I was there happily doing my General Method. When I finished, the time was 2.20pm. How deceiving can time be? Omg it seemed like I still have alot of time to spare, and so there was I taking my time doing my Detailed Procedure as detailed as possible. Time 2.45pm, left 2 more test to write on. Time 2.50pm, moving on to Safety Precaution. At this point I still felt that there was alot of time to spare (0.0!!). Finally I was done with it, but not really because it felt too short (and it really was, as I found out later after the exam). Anyway I when to start with the Theory, time at 2.55pm. Then I began to realise that I may not have enough time to complete (may? still a "may"??). Sped up my writing. "You have 5min left" said the Invigilator. Omg I had still 4 chemicals to write on. Now then I am rushing for time. I skipped the part on limitations and complete others first. Still have some time to spare. Write limitations!! Argh no time one line will do. (de! one line? model answer has paragraphs!) "Time's up, pens down" Come on last few sentence.

Dreadful and regretful experience.. zz.. Guess have to pia for main paper..

Today I was not particularly happy with the TKD experience. I did not bring my dobok as I am injured (got a bad fall and knocked on the hips). Although I cannot do a high front/turning kick or side kicks, that does not mean that I am disable! I just can't believe how materialistic some can be, insisting that since I am not in my dobok, I cannot train with them. Its an equivalent of saying, Since you don't look like me, you cannot do the same thing as I do. I never thought that such segregation can happen, even within my group of friends! Moreover it wasn't even formal training; members are just scattered around doing their own stuffs. Does even that qualify as a training so formal that a dobok is required? If this was the case, then all people playing volleyball at the beach must look like a volleyball player. Can't help it, so upset. Perhaps in the future I may be laughing at this stupid attitude of mine, but that's me, now.

This was further exacerbate when Xiu Yi approach me commenting on my post. The article said something like, I was infiatuated with her before. She was upset because I put this up, and that it happened during my relationship with my ex. She has her rights to be upset, but I have my rights to to walk in truth. Its true that I feel very close to her during a period of time. So what if I tried to deny? Then I cannot come into terms with myself; I cannot then accept who I was. If I cannot even accept my past, how can I walk with confidence, for those who can find fault in me may just be the cause of my downfall. It is important to walk in truth, to seek the true you. It doesn't matter what you were, but how you respond. If it does matter what we were, then we are a bunch of sad people who are embarassed on our childish past and will never grow out of it, since we do not emphasize on responds and hence do not respond as much as it was needed.

Can't believe myself to be so critical.. I used to be only perceiving but now am judgemental.. hai..

The TKD experience didn't end just there. The accounts is in a mess again. Apparently someone indicated that they had paid but didn't. The collection process was also very badly done. The list was passed around and we just lost track of it while the money just keep coming in. There are also those who insist that they were there before and refused to queue up. Must be more stern on such matters next time, if there is a next time.

Not all is lost however. I am really happy about a message I received at 8.09am, from Sin Man. She wanted to give me bible study on saturday. Wa finally I am back on track again after missing so many lessons as both sides are busy. Moreover she invited me to join her in the future when she is giving bible study to others, so that I can learn how to share the Word. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, where there I would be sharing the Word to both believers and unbelievers and teach them the Way to Righteousness, not through me but through God who is in me. Lord let me be a vessel for you to use to guide people into Your presence and Your Righteousness. Amen.

The future do look bright, but it sure requires both faith in Father and myself, to believe in my ability to do good works and in my Father who will share His Strength to cover my weaknesses. Amen.

17 May 07 @ 1.00AM
(p.s. Sorry Ah Gong! I am sleeping late again..)





Wa sick of the Windows Explorer today. Keep giving me problems. Cannot upload photos, okay I accept it. Now it even stopped responding at times while I was blogging and I had to rewrite everything. Now even my mom and dad were angry with me for staying up late. Normally I dun want to say this, but really I am very pissed off with them, especially my dad. Imagine a person looking over you doing your own private stuff for a long time, just observing and nothing else. The feeling of being watched is just too much to bear. In the past I might have just be at peace with it, but now I guessed its just too much. I think they too do not want to feel the same way. As much as I wanted to think in their train of thoughts, that its getting late and I have to sleep, I can't help thinking they were thinking from the wrong context. I did take an afternoon nap, and if I were to sleep now, I would be just rolling on my bed. What's the point of doing that? It is then more productive if I were to do something else. Idiotic behaviour is the best way I can describle them. In the future I may think like them, and my son may feel the same way too. But that feeling of guilt should play no part in forming the truth, that they are over-bearing.

So we were on the topic of the new revelation of myself on friday. I was having my dinner with Sin Man and Min Kuan accompanying me. Sin Man's friend joined us awhile later.

This friend of Sin Man is just like any other friend of her, very sociable and easily tickled. But he has a certain "flavour" in him. We were on a topic on my ambition and he paused suddenly, like the time has stopped in him. Then he looked at me straight in the face saying, "You are made for more than your ambition." I was from then on very sensitive to his behaviour, especially his "pause" here and there, followed by some words that were very specific to me. Its very spooky.

(just had an arguement with my mom. She keeps muttering and criticising about my behaviour, about the way the house is. I just spilled my solution of vinegar, and did what I can in clearing up the mess, and she just go on rambling about my inability to keep the place clean, about my inability to remove the smell of vinegar. I rebuked at her, which may be wrong on my part, but I hoped to draw her attention to the fact that what's so good about pure words alone? Actions speak louder than words. I can't help but think that if she was less criticising and more accepting, just clear up the floor without any display of disgust, I would not be some critical of her and my dad.)

Anyway I bought home with me 2 Words that day, "Blessed are those poor in the spirit, for theirs the Kingdom of God", and "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added to you". He also prophesied that I can be a preacher. Then I discovered that to be one, I have to be a cell leader. Not unexpected, but that was a route I'm not so willing to go. My ambition is to be a top Material Scientist or Physicist, which will be time-consuming. I guess this is where I'll need Father to bring me through, to top both in the marketplace as well as in christian lifestyle.

When I got back home, I start to evaluate my action on "one and only one commitment". As I was presenting my arguement to them earlier, I was totally convince of my logic. One was because of innate feeling, while the other is due to producivity factor. Then Sin Man's friend just rebuked with the revelation that I was running away from something, trying to hide something. I was caught off-guard. Fear of one's behaviour leading to a creating of a policy against it. (sound so Ah Gong-like).

My evaluation eventually lead to 10 fears (omg!) arising from one policy alone. And these fears were so innate in me that they were unconscious. Fear of, not in order of merit, 1)losing, 2)lack of perfection, 3)sexual immorality, 4)disorder, 5)emotional mayhem, 6)deviating from Christ, 7)lack of civic-mindedness, 8)lack of time, 9)lack of motivation, 10)and my results.

I fear losing her to others. She was always on demand, while I was just a part of this group of suitors. When I was young I like this girl in my class. Even young, she has quite a few suitors, and one was even my best friend. Fear of losing friendship kept me from revealing anything, even with rumours sprouting. Others had sacrificed quite alot for her, and I don't think I can ever reach those standards. We just stayed as best friends. When we were older, being in different schools, we hardly met. There was this once when she mentioned of a guy in her class, which never occurred in our conversation before. She had even taken a photo with him, at the time where she would reject my request for one. The guy was taller than me, and I was just the same height as her. That guy also bought her the thing she had been eyeing on for a long time. The worst of all was that she asked me of the future between them. It was so heart-breaking. as I tried not to bring in any emotions while helping her to evaluate, its just too difficult for me. I said that they can't be together, but this conclusion was just too bias for me. It was so bias that out of all her friends, I was the only one saying that they cannot be together.

I also fear that my partner-would-be lack perfection. I want my partner to be good both outwardly and inwardly. Every time I meet others I would first judge them by their appearance, whether they are fat or thin or just proportionate, whether they are too fashionable for me or too skimpy. As I slowly get to know them, I would look into whether they have the right attitude to life, and whether I can change their attitude to be more positive. I do not want my partner to be anything less, lest they do not appeal after some time and our relationship will fail.

(for those who do not want to know the worst of me, skip this point)
I fear of being sexually immoral. This is to me the worst temptation ever. Unknown to many, I am fallen greatly because of this aspect, which I termed the sin of the body. I was first exposed to sexual immorality when I was in primary 3 under the care of a guardian. The son of the guardian thought me masturbation, and perhaps oral sex, though I was young and do not know at that time. At primary 5 I chanced upon a pornographic CD, knowing it was wrong to watch, but still I did whenever no one was at home, until the CD was misplaced. At seconday 1, a friend of mine showed me a pornographic website. From then on I surfed it frequently until I can quickly conjour out possible location of websites with a simple thought. I am still struggling to control such immorality. (The worst part will not be blogged, but I am willing to say face-to-face if necessary. To date only Niang and Xiu Yi and perhaps those in TKD alumni know)

All of us I guess have this fear, the fear of disorder, the fear of uncertainty. We do not know how will things turn out, and do not want to be caught unprepared. By having a plan, we hope to be able to react as fast as possible to the unexpected, we hope to make sense of what is happening.

In the past I used to peg my emotions to my relations with people I considered important to me. The girl I like when I was young was one of them. Whenever I saw her getting close to others I'll have this wretched feeling, of jealously. I can't believe how possessive I can be, though I tried not to show it outwardly. Then there is Xiu Yi, whom I considered last year as important mainly because she was the one that took the effort to talk to me. If she talk to others instead of me, I will easily sink into depression mood, which I think was what happened in the morning of the grading in January. I don't feel motivated to perform, and halfway through my grading I forgot my pattern, and so I failed to get a double promotion. Not all close to me are females of course. While I was in sec 2 I had a group of close guys friend. One day for some reasons which I forgot, I was left alone. In my lonely walk home, I saw the grasses by the side, swaying joyfully in the wind. I am just too easily knocked down.

Perhaps I fear deviating from Christ too. I am not confident of my walk with Christ. Partly this was due to my sinful nature, and my pride, that I cannot fulfil the 1st Beattitude, that I cannot be poor in the spirit. She as seen by me have a more established relationship with the Lord. But though this may be a fear, it may not be a strong case.

To me, she is a role model. She is a member of a community outreach club in her school. She is always willing to serve the needs of others, compared to me, someone who wishes to help but always dependent on the friends around me. If none of my friends wants to help out, I would most likely just forgo this experience. I am still trying to break free from the dependency on others, and is currently searching for a ministry in my church to serve. Thinking of helping out in the Ministry for Terminally Ill, so that I can learn to cherish my life and thank God more for this life that I have.

Aiya the last 3 is a common problem so dont need to expand liao. Cant believe I took 1wk to write this.. Sian..

20may 07 @ 10.16pm





Argh! Placed my right foot to vinegar again.. Trying to get my mind off the pain.. 50min left.. endure.. Argh.. The apple taste sweet, and the song "superstar" is great! Like the song man.. Cool..

What happened today? Hmmm.. Argh focus focus.. The chemistry lecture this morning is very boring.. Feel like sleeping through.. The night before I slept at 1am, woke up at 6 this morning. i was busy blogging about the photoelectric effect, which I had gained quite a deep insight recently. Anyway the lecturer was slow. It took us 30min to cover 4pages. Moreover the chapter is no Electrolysis, my secondary school's syllabus. We needed only some time to recall and we can move on. Moreover the content was simple, except for perhaps the part on Faraday's Law on Electrolysis.

40min to go. Just finished my apple. Called mom to help me throw away the apple core. Song now is "Tsubasa No Keikaku". Argh..

For mathematics lecture today we went through Normal Distribution tutorial. Waa not sure what came upon me. I was not motivated to follow through and tried completing my Binomial tutorial. Then I was stuck soon. Ah Gong, seating next to me, also had no idea how to solve. I ended up sleeping again. zz...

For Physics tutorial, we were suppose (<- look closely, its suppose) to start Quantum Physics II tutorial. In the end, some had already started on the tutorial while others finished it. I was turned off from doing the tutorial and spent my time reading through the lecture notes and thoroughly understanding it. That is how I spent my 1.5h. At least I gained something. I also tried doing the tutorial, but suffer from lack of motivation.

This was followed by Economics Tutorial class. It was on Trade and Globalisation and Monetary Policy. This was I guess the 2nd best time of the day. I was very participative. I may perhaps have certain feel for Macroeconomics. It was quite sometime since I last touched my Economics notes, but the AD-AS model was stucked to my brain somehow. How to curb inflation? Use contractionary monetary policy, which will manage the AD. Reduce the money supply in the market which will raise the interest rate. This would increase the cost of borrowing and the there will be less borrowing by the investors and consumers alike. Spending on domestic goods and investment would decrease, shifting AD to the left. Something like that.

The best would be when I tried explaining Quantum Physics to Guo Hao. I am surprised by my clear mind and my patience. The topic is on X-ray line spectra. We were discussing fervently for 1h, took a break, and continued for another 30min. Though I would not say I understand Quantum Mechanics, but Guo Hao made me think deeper into the problem. One question to research into may be the definitive quantum number an atom have, that an electron have to gain enough energy to leap into another quantum shell and not anything in between. Perhaps it has something to do with their associated wave nature, something to do with the stationary wave generated in their orbit.

10 more min.. Jia You! The pain is not as intense now. Haix I can only hope this problem can recover soon. I still have my left foot. zz..

Oh ya on the bus back home today, I was pondering about being a businessman and a theortical scientist on physics or materials. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. By being a businessman, I can study human and their behaviour, something I like to specialise in. I even thought about studying the eyes of people and from there know their feeling and personality, and some sketchy details of their life. I can study dressings of people, on tastes and trends. I had even thought of going to work in Metro after A levels as a sales person, providing service to my customers. But economics is one subject I am not strong at. Haix.. Theortical scientist is not a bad job either, just that the opportunity cost would be giving up specialising in Human Behaviour. As Guo Hao would term it, mutually exclusive events.

Okay la 3min left.. Think I'll do some reading into Quantum..

10 may 07 @ 8.53pm





Hmmm today just went by.. The morning was marked by my forgetfulness. I can't believe my own RAM is so low. That morning..

The clock showed 6.45am. I was munching bread, thinking I must put my treasury into my bag. Munch munch munch. Finally I finished my bread. The clock now reads 6.50am. I washed my hands and went my way to school.

Omg! 5min! sian-ed. In the end I had to skip my make up physics lecture (Quantum lei!) just to rush home to retrieve it. zz..

Hmmm time passes by... I made some achievement in Photoelectric Effect phenomenon during physics, while Ms Lin rushes through Quantum Physics I tutorial. Haix I have yet to complete the tutorial.. For chemistry Ms Chan was sick and so we were asked to finish our Electrochemistry tutorial, of which she just went through some of the first few, easier question. Some of my classmates (Juan Chen Chau Min Alice n Shan Shan) went to play Cashflow. Felt like playing cuz it reminds me of my childhood times where I played Monopoly with my bro and my father. Miss my childhood.. haiz..

The TKD training was just normal. We did pattern, pattern, and more pattern to prepare for upcoming Inter-JC. My pattern team still have quite a bit to improve on. So we were asked to do again, and again, and again (5x in one go at a point in time). Anyway a bit bored with TKD. I went because of friends, but now we (some problem with me I think. I just cant find a topic to converse.) talk less. I felt out of place at times. But still, all was not lost! I got to mess Xiu Xuan's hair. Hehehe..

I didn't go with the rest for dinner today. Not sure why. I wasn't really thinking anyway, nor feeling either. The cost must be marginally above the benefit. Haix.. Told myself to study at home, yet I am now blogging! Addicted sia..

Perhaps of my new mindset. I drove myself to like one and only one person. Partly its because I know I like her, no matter how many ups and downs I have with others (like waves you know? Interfere on each other, yet there is only one and only one fundamental wave.. lol..). At times I will miss her presence, just think of her for the sake of it. It is also because its more practical. I would not be distracted with how others treat me, buffering myself from much emotional tumoil. So its both "feeling" and "thinking", "NF" and "NT", idealistic and rationale.

So I must have lost the drive to talk to girls and such. This few days I would be those few, my Niang, Shu Shu and Ah Gong! Occasionally it would include Ah Ma, Jiu Jiu and Jiu Mu. I still remember last year I converse alot with Xiu Yi, always having something to talk, her giving her "do you know" and me commenting on it. It even led to some confusion about me liking her. Okayz I must admit that I may be touched, but still it faded away! Its just infatuation.

Anyway into the night, niang called to tell me that Ah Gong wants to strangle me as I spread unfounded report that he has a sweetheart. Hahax can't really blame me; Ah Gong is so fearful of girls that having a picture of an anime as his screen-saver is worthy of celebration. Then Niang relate to me what happen last saturday (or is it Sunday..?) that she and Ah Gong went out together to build on the father-daugther relationship (no la actually its to study). As Ah Gong is so adverse to the opposite gender, he was uncertain and uneasy about being with a girl alone (according to niang). But niang commented that he was even better than Shu Shu, offering to buy lunch for her. Ya Ah Gong is really the man man, whether he wants to admit it or not..

Before I ever forget, I must post this. Our relationship is back to normal again! Hahax, must thank Ah Gong, for I would be too dumb to send her the msg to ask for forgiveness. I thought too much, very uncertain, but Ah Gong thought alot more, and very certain. Ah Gong and his 17 years of experience. Lol..

Whatever.. Just contended with today.. Tomorrow will be even better!

9 may 07 @ 11.50pm












As I sat in front of the computer, with one of my foot soaked in vinegar (my sole is infected with some bacteria. This method is yet another traditional methodology from my father) , and trying to rid my mind of the stinging pain that is making my entire right leg uncomfortable. Argh! Anyway now chatting with qiao qiao, my china friend. Long time since I last seen her, wonder how does she look like now.

Hmmm we meet while I was on my trip in Beijing. She was my tour guide's assistant. On the first few days we hardly talk. On the second day I talk only to her friend, whom I had forgotten the name since. I only recalled the blue winter jacket that she wore.

Omg pain.. I had removed my right foot from the vinegar and its worst! Argh.. Staring at my crenated cells on my sole, eww.. The smell of vinegar makes me sick.. Well had to endure.. The acid is suppose to kill the bacteria.. But the sacrifice is quite costly.. My right leg doesn't feel well at all.. no wonder I can't run as well today ( I soak it yesterday night).. But still I did 2 sets of 100 crunches and the feeling was, wow, great! It was an achievement, though the sacrifice is not small either..

Back to the topic. So ya we did not notice each other much. My friend Edmund and I used to call her the lady in red (红衣女郎), as she wore a red jacket everyday. Then on wednesday, which was our 5th day on this trip, I went to talk to her (well not really talk; its just me asking her where her friend, the lady in blue, is). We were at Tsing Hua University and were there to tour around. I was constantly lagging behind (with Edmund?), and she was at the back of the group overseeing us, and so naturally we talked. We took some photos too (due to some problem with my comp I was unable to upload the photos)

Over the rest of the trip our relationship strengthened. It was an exponential growth. On friday we were happily chatting along. She showed me around the shop selling the Beijing local food products, treated me some sweets (Omg I feel like a child, so easily fooled by sweets). On saturday we were with each other for nearly the whole day (except when I am climbing up the great wall of china).

On Sunday, it was the 2nd last day that we would be together. Wanting to cherish this last few moments, we were once again practically with each other the whole day. I remembered clearing that while we were touring the Temple of Heaven, we would stop here and there to take pictures, look around. Even when we were at the back and slowing the whole group, it wasn't much of a concern to us.

After our trip to the Drum Tower, after our dinner, after our trip to Hu Tong, it was nearly time to say goodbye. On board the tour bus back to our hotel, it was me and her sitting next to each other in the front seat. We chat about where she stays (she live in a Hu Tong) to her aspiration. Near the end of the journey we took a photo.

Here comes the part I remember vividly. After the photo shot, I turn to face her, only to find that she was crying! Omg being a person who will melt with the flow of tears from the eyes of a girl, I panicked! I was like, oh my god she's crying! where's that tissue? does anyone have any tissue? Come to think of it its quite dumb of me, but I guess I'll never kick off the habit..

Hmmm, must really thank Qiao Qiao for that wonderful trip. Beijing is dull, monochromatic, but she painted it colourfully. She made my trip so memorable. Perhaps as me and edmund were discussing over there, her "cute" factor had us overwhelmed. Mere words alone can't describle how thankful I am to her (or its my poor english).

Finished chatting with her. She said that she was considering coming in 2009. After my NS I hope, then I could give her the warm Singapore feel (^^,)

8 may 07 @ 6.50pm





After a long and tiring and sleepy day in school, I am back home! Wa the sleep on the bus was great. Hoped it can last, but never mind I don't want to die just as yet..

Hmmm on the way back, niang and jiu jiu's honeymoon period was distrupted again. Niang threw her tissue and sweet wrappers into jiu jiu's bag as a joke, but apparently jiu jiu took it too seriously and reprimanded niang. Haix niang, you live a hard life. Anyway jiu jiu's intention is well-founded ba. He treasures the bag niang gave him and don't want to dirty it. But perhaps jiu jiu could be nicer to niang, for she only wants to entertain him. Seeing them together happily in the morning yet because of one mistake this relationship is disrupted upset my heart. I was brought back to my "conflict" with "her" yesterday..

Well it was just a minor problem from my view of it, if it was to involve anyone else. My relationship with "her" was as pure as silver (maybe a bit tainted here and there). It was only this year that things start to change. The first happened during the march holiday on monday. I couldn't remember the details, but it was about jogging together at the stadium. I asked her to join me, cuz its something I felt that she would like. But she turned down cuz she said that se was busy. Perhaps its my phrasing, while I was trying to tell her that she should not for-go her studies for exercise, she thought that I was accusing her. Haix.. so much for my "good communication skills"

Then the 2nd conflict happened yesterday. It was just over a word "devil". Well she was sick and I decided to pray for her through an msg. It goes something like, "Father in heaven, I pray for Dorcas that she will be healed oh Lord. Cast out the devil that is making her sick. In Jesus name I pray, Amen" . I may be too quick to associate diseases with devils act. Its just my immaturity. Yet I was stubborn, and insist that my thinking is correct, though I allowed her to argue back. She may be too thoughtful to do just that. Haix another "feeling" type of person.

Feeling a bit sorry for our relationship, but sometimes its so hard to say sorry, especially on such grounds where you do not know how right or how wrong are you. What if I was correct? Then I should insist on my view because she needs to learn. What if I was wrong? Then I should apologise. What if I do not know if I am right or wrong? Do I do both?

Haix why must Life be so dynamic? Why can't we have a fixed set of rules and formulae to follow? But then, what's the point? How do we learn?

I am such a weird guy. Obviously I like "her", yet I was so desensitised to my words. How many a times pastor preach about the power of words, how God form the heaven and the earth with His Words? How many a times do I offend others as well with just my words alone? Haix.. I need to change.. So much for thinking of approaching her this year.. Perhaps its just another elusive thought.. Let her just occupy my mind for now..

Father truly I pray for my relationship with her oh Lord. I pray for your blessings on us, both on our individual lives as well as those that intersect. Father guide as to be more peaceful together. We may not end up together, but even as brother and sister-in-Christ, let us enjoy each other's presence. Father I pray for blessings to come upon us, bless this relatioship, that it will be fruitful in Your eyes. Let me Father not have this loser attitude that if a relationship has no conflicts it will not be fruitful, but be as forgiving, as merciful, as forgetful as you oh Lord for whoever that trespasses, and do my best never to step onto other's lines. Let my boundary be so small that it will not cross over to others, and result in conflicts. Let all conflicts that were, that are, and that are to be, be settled peacefully, harmoniously and quickly, as you said in matt 5:24-25, that we shall settle our conflicts before offering our gifts to you. Let all conflicts be solved before the next service. In Jesus name I lift up my relationship with her, as well as with others, into Your loving Hands. Amen.

7 may 07 @ 10.16pm

(p.s. Ching Yee begs to be mentioned in my blog, so there you are Ching Yee! A exclusive place in my blog! haha.. Well may God bless you too with great gifts untold and unthought. May your life be fruitful. Have a prosperous life ahead!)





Yup me again in the same place, the library! (or should I say, the Window.. lolx) Anyway self-obsess with myself as usual, in midst of physics test 2h later, I took a test to see how creative I am...

You Are 82% Creative

You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity. Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool!
http://www.blogthings.com/howcreativeareyouquiz/

wow check this out, "Your next creation could be something very great... Or at least very cool!" yeah man see me overthrow Einstein's Theory or Theory on Superconductivity and establish my very own, Skai's Theory on Conductivity and Theory on Gravitation.

Took another test, and now feel like crying at this revelation... I am... I am... more... yin than yang... Waaa~

You Are More Yin

Feminine Devoted Forgiving Fall Winter Afternoon Moon Time Passive Metal Honey

Oh Father You said that we should be Forgiving and Devoted to our spouse and friends alike... but... but... You cant be making us more Yin!!! Waaaaa~

Forget it think this test is a fluke.. As I scroll through the test available I found it geared towards feminine items.. Perhaps it really is gender-bias.. I am a male k?

Come to think of it.. Perhaps that's what we should truly be? If we are physically Yang, then we should be Yin, so that we can have Yin-Yang harmony? wow revelations again..

argh demoralised... gotta study liao.. hahaz.. blog later if sian-ed again..

7 may 07 @ 4.25pm





Yup! I am now in school and blogging! Omg can't believe myself doing this (Omg my guai guai past evolved to this man!). Now I am in the library. Temperature is just nice, not too cool (like public libraries; I think they want us to get off the library), and not too hot (like classrooms, due to global warming). Around me all is calm and quiet. Everyone is having their heads down (okay most, and these are those inside the library itself, not the study area linked to the library). Wow librarian is just around the corner. A little scared of this daring act.

Hmmm anyway I just took a personality test again (can't believe myself again, so self obsessed). I got this result, INFP. 'F'!? Feeling!? Can't be I thought it should be Thinking? A 'T'? They said something like,

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/

Oh no!!! My job prospect!! I want to be a material scientist! A physicist! Not psychologist, nor artist! And certainly NEVER writer. OMTian. ZZ..

Calmming down.. whooo~.. Looking at the type of person a INFP is..

Strong value systems
Warmly interested in people
Service-oriented, usually putting the needs of others above their own
Loyal and devoted to people and causes
Future-oriented
Growth-oriented; always want to be growing in a positive direction
Creative and inspirational
Flexible and laid-back, unless a ruling principle is violated
Sensitive and complex
Dislike dealing with details and routine work
Original and individualistic - "out of the mainstream"
Excellent written communication skills
Prefer to work alone, and may have problems working on teams
Value deep and authentic relationships
Want to be seen and appreciated for who they are

For those who knows me well enough, this would lift their eyebrows to the ceiling. "Excellent written communication skills"? Hey I got an "S" for General Paper lor. Not funny dude =.=

Sian now not sure who exactly I am. ENTP INTP INFP. At least there is a constant "N" and "P". After checking the website http://www.personalitypage.com/four-temps.html, I am both Thinker, Visionary, and Healer! Oh let thy heal thee all thee sick and sorrowful and demon-possessed. (acting holy)

Come to think of it, perhaps its different case for different situations. Whenever dealing with academics I am INTP, whenever with projects I am ENTP, and with people I am INFP. Quite true actually, now that I know that "NT" represents for Knowledge-Seeking, while "NF" represents Identity-Seeking. Perhaps its because I am a teenager (18 liao de..) so identity is of more value to me. Wa what a complex person I am.

In school, 7 may 07 (wow nice number; looks symmetrical; plus its exactly 2 mths from "her" birthday)
time: 3:58pm











Let me try recalling what happen... (haix flipside of not blogging everyday...)
*note: read from bottom..

Today was quite an okay day for me. Firstly, I had to declare that I am happy! My niang(娘) and my Shu Shu (叔叔) was finally talking to each other after some time of intense silence and ignorance. Wa.. look at them able to smile and laugh lightens my heart. I guess I felt a tip of how Ah Gong felt being with them during this past year. Anyway Ms Lin apologised to me for being rude to me (de...?) yesterday while trying to answer my qns. I was very doubtful, and in the end replied that Ah Gong was worst, waiting for me with a bit of attitude ( kind of made up.. hee..).

Yesterday was a sad day for me. The poomsae (TKD pattern) I've been practising so long is full of faults. I had to keep adjusting, like keeping my hands close to my body when kicking, which I'm not used to. More importantly the competition is just a few weeks away, and it is hard to keep the focus of the group. I wonder when we can have enough black-belts to give each group a personal trainer. Then I have to also adapt to the strength and speed of a female as I am grouped with another girl to make up another group. I have to practically change most of my habits. All was not so bad, for I gained a bit of insight as to why V > O, i1 = i2. Initially I was thinking of the photoelectic cell was filled with air, which can be ionised to provide a flow of charges ( I was thinking to how lightning can be generated when 2 plates of different polarity were placed together with high potential difference). It was, as I found out, due to vacuum. However Ms Lin couldn't elaborate on it. Guess I have to do some thinking... Anyway I called niang today as she was distracted, unable to focus. Shu Shu was invading her mind. She felt like crying and I was encouraging it (lol? haha sadistic but with a twist). Well she did cried for a while but return to normal later on. Niang is so strong, yet so weak...

On Tuesday I went to Bukit Panjiang Mos Burger to study again ( I did so on sunday) with niang and Ah Gong. That day wasn't as productive. I managed to do only some parts of TIMES magazine worksheet in Mos. I completed more parts at home later on. Then I became frustrated at my lack of motivation, and went to ate my lunch. Afterwards I moved on to study Quantum Physics. Hmmm not really a problem. Mostly just equations and more equations. Perhaps some qns would be the constant photoelectric current even with the supply of EMF along the direction of the photoelectic current (V > O, i1 = i2). Afterwards Ah Gong and me when to play badminton with Ah Pek ( Ah Gong's friend) and his friend. Niang joined some time later after giving Shu Shu his birthday gift. Niang was depressed. I tried my best to console but it did little. Well I did my best... hee...

Let me see.. Oh ya on Monday I have my NAPFA test. Can't believe I survived it. All 6 station in one go, and I did my best in everything. I did shuttle run in 10.4s (a little slow but can be improved), did 65 sit-ups (wow didnt know i can do that. Initially was competing with clement but he faltered. I only trained for 1 week plus..), 13 pull-ups (after much training) , and 9.58min for 2.4km (finally back to sec3). As for sit and reach, its 46cm. The sad-dest part is my standing broad jump. It was a lousy 205cm. Need to jump more man..

Haha my entry is getting real long... Lets see on sunday, I went to MacDonalds to study with niang and Ah Ma, but Ah Ma sick so cannot. So niang and I were studying halfway when the manager came and asked us to leave for we were occupying the seats. Niang went to buy breakfast since she had not had her breakfast, and we thought that we can study with their food. Well our assumption is wrong and we ended up in Mos Burger. I suddenly became very productive and completed AC tutorial, Probability tutorial, GP summary practice and started on Binomial, an achievement considering that I complete one subject per day at most..

Lemme see.. Oh ya this few days niang kept crying for someone somewhere. Then I did my best to console her, to give her insights, but mostly I laughed at her tears. Worst of all is that I encouraged her to cry! Omg I'm so bad. Ok la I not that bad actually. Encouraging her to cry is to ask her to pour out her burden, so that once the emotions are out of the way, the mind becomes clear. Crying is only good if you learn from it, like crying over a lost of a friend teaches you to cherish what you have. Crying is good as it also makes you more aware of yourself and what hurts you, like reacting to a fire that burns you. Crying makes you understand that I am not perfect, you are not perfect, no one is perfect, and nothing is perfect. But crying for excessive self-pity is not good. Crying that makes you lose your drive is also not beneficial. Cry therefore, with awareness, with knowledge, and not with rage, with anger and hatred.

Rain down on this barren Land.

Thursday
3rd May 07 @ 10.32pm

rock climbing regularly
play paintball
go ice-skate
go roller-blade
go cycle
swimming!
hit the beach
and many more...

07.01 Guo Hao's bday
01.02 Kenneth's bday
05.04 KaiYu's bday
15.04 Sin Man's bday
16.04 Nuranati's bday
02.05 Jimmy's bday
28.05 yaNN's bday
01.06 Xiu Wen's bday
15.06 Jian Wei's bday
07.07 Dorcas' bday
07.08 XiuXuan's bday
07.08 Xiuyi's bday
09.08 Singapore's bday
30.08 Tze Chong's bday
10.09 MaioSia's bday
07.11 ShiHUa's bdday
08.11 yIhUAn's bday
13.11 Cherie's bday

o6s2oNE

kAIyU
shAnshAn
shIhUA
mAIOsIA
AI-lI-sI
jIAnwEI
yAnn

chUrcH

hUIwEn
IsAbEllA
kEl
lIOnEl
mIngwEI
EUnIcE
kAIlI
chErIE

Others..

nUrAnAtI
sEOwkEn